How to increase your self-esteem and find your inner self-confidence

Jim Rees aka the Emotional Intelligence Guru and author of Vicious circle reveals how we can increase our self-esteem and find our inner self-confidence

Have you ever been ready to give a speech or speech to discover that somewhere between sitting down and getting up, you have lost your confidence thanks to all the eyes and ears waiting to hear your speech?

There will be plenty of occasions where we are desperate for our confidence to show up and give us the boost we need and you are certainly not alone if it disappears from time to time.

As a coach, when someone tells me they’ve lost their confidence, I jokingly ask where they left it, or if they remember when they last had it.

But apart from jokes, there are some simple things you can do to find and maintain your inner self …


Trust is not a physical thing and therefore it is impossible for it to be ‘lost’.

The first step to overcoming the feeling that you have lost your self-confidence is to become aware of this very fact. Your trust is not lost, you have trouble accessing it.

Being aware of your coping mechanisms is often the first step to helping you feel confident when you go into any situation, so start by noticing what things you are exposing or talking yourself out of.

A good way to understand what you might be exposing or avoiding is by asking your partner or a close friend to give you feedback. This can help you fix blind spots you may be unaware of and it may give you some attention.

How to find your inner self and keep that woman talking to the audience


Belief in yourself is truly the key to inner and outer self-confidence. The great thing about our beliefs is that there are two types of beliefs – ‘Empowering Belief’ or ‘Limiting Belief’.

These beliefs will drive how we feel about a task or goal that we are pursuing, which in turn will have an impact on the outcome.

For example, if you have a ‘Limiting Belief’ about your ability to save ten percent of your salary each month, it will affect your attitude towards saving, which will result in you not being able to put any money aside each month.

This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy that proves to yourself that it is not possible to save ten percent of your salary.

Believing that you can and giving yourself the opportunity to do so will have an impact on whether it is possible or not.

Self-confidence will take you far.

What’s your story?

Our beliefs are woven into our history of what we believe is possible for us in our lives.

We may think we’re really good at giving a presentation to a small group of work colleagues or our team, but then we’ll struggle with the idea of ​​having the same talk with 200 people at the company conference.

If you use the previous example of saving money, it may be that the story you are telling yourself is that you have always been terrible at saving money, which then sabotages your ability to save every month.

When you use the story you are telling yourself, you will find some of the blockages that prevent you from moving towards your goals.

Identifying these blockers and compiling the stories you tell yourself can help you break cycles that can negatively affect you or affect your self-esteem.

confident woman giving speech


Removing the smart, long word is about our internal dialogue, the conversation we have with ourselves, which then becomes part of our history.

So we need to pay attention to the internal dialogue and to what we reaffirm to ourselves on a daily basis.

Getting ready to do something that is out of your comfort zone and giving you a crisis of confidence can help you use some powerful affirmations.

Instead of thinking negatively, tell yourself something positive and think about the excitement and sense of accomplishment you will feel once you have completed what you set out to do.

For example, if it’s a presentation at work, tell yourself that the audience will love it, tell yourself how excited you are to share this with the company, and that you’re the expert in this field.


If you are looking to achieve something you have not tried before, find someone you can use as a role model, you do not need to know them personally, a YouTube search will suffice.

To increase your self-confidence, find out how good it looks and then go and repeat it for yourself.

Another useful technique is to think of all the occasions where you have gone up to try something new and smashed it.

Draw on these memories as a reminder that with good preparation and practice you will be able to achieve this new challenge you face.

How to find your inner self-confidence and maintain it NERVOUS WOMAN Reading speech notes


Never do things in half. The old adage, “If something is worth doing, then it is worth doing well”, is true, and repeating this phrase can strengthen you and create a sense of inner confidence for ultimate success.

Committing to something is about leaning into the goal or new skill you are seeking to achieve or acquire.

Ultimately, it takes 100 percent responsibility to do everything you can to move in the right direction and get this done to your highest standards.

Over the years, I have coached 1,000s of people and have on several occasions seen them fail before reaching their goals, and this is always due to the lack of their commitment to see it all the way through to completion.

And finally, if a basket ball knocks you off your feet, ask the following questions so you can stay focused on achieving a positive result:

  • What could be good about this?
  • What is not perfect yet?
  • How can I reverse this?
  • What can I learn from this?
  • What should I change?

For more tips and strategies on how to achieve your goals and set your goals, you can get a copy of Vicious circle at

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